Fighting Terrorism with Books

So on the plane home tonight I read my favourite magazine "Outside". I picked it up as it had an article in it about this amazing man named Greg Mortenson. He is one of my top living heroes. I was interested in his book "Three Cups of Tea" since he is a climber and I have an avid interest in Mountain climbing (I have only dabbled in this in Africa but not comparable to any base camp!). In 1993, Greg Mortenson nearly lost his life trying to climb one of the world’s highest mountains, K2 in northern Pakistan. Losing his Balti porter in a storm, reeling from his failed attempt, Mortenson stumbled into the village of Korphe in Pakistan’s Karakoram Himalaya region. They looked after him for 2 months(?) until he was strong enough to go home even though most villagers had never even seen a foreigner before!

While recuperating one morning, he the saw children huddled in the cold wind, on the top of a mountain scratching out lessons with sticks in the dirt. No teacher (one came by maybe every 20-30 days and give them lessons; then the kids would meet on the mountain daily with to study). And our kids today complain about school... Anyway, he was inspired and impetuously made a promise to the village’s leader, Haji Ali: He said "I will build you a school."

That promise took him to rock bottom and back again as he despaired while living in his car to save money for the school until a generous benefactor set him on his way (Jean Hoerni). It was this old man's dying wish to see the first school built, and it happened days before he died. They co-founded the Central Asia Institute to build schools for children in remote areas of Pakistan and Afghanistan. Illiterate high-altitude porters (like Sherpas) have put down their packs to make paltry wages and risk their lives in order to educate their children. Former Taliban members have renounced violence and went to work with him as security forces to get him in and out of these war-torn regions. Mortenson's remarkable Odyssey reflects the astounding humanitarian reach that one person can generate.

Today his article was about the continuation of all the schools he has built since the book (62 to date). Makes me want to read the book again. Funny enough with the enemies he has made over the years (as he has relationships with many middle eastern diplomats and politicians, he has received the most intense threats from Americans themselves! They call him a Muslim supporter, terrorist etc. How pathetic is that?

Anyway, this is why the book is called 'Three Cups of Tea':

Greg learned quickly during his endeavors that in order to gain trust in the tribesman, you had to stay for three cups of tea. It is customary when you stay in one of their villages abd Greg has drank alot of tea since 1993! During the first cup, you are strangers; with the second cup, you become friends; and by the third cup, you are regarded as family and are willing to die for you if need be.

It really is all about building relationships you know.

Ubuntu

Ubuntu = "A universal truth, a way of life that underpins the concept of an open society" It does not mean that one should not address themselves, but that they must do so in order to enable the community around you to improve.

The concept of Ubuntu is very difficult for the westernized mind as it is just too dirty and spoiled with the intoxicating ideas of the omnipotence of the individual identity. I respect the spirit of Ubuntu for the connectedness of us all.
I was still exploring this area within me and while watching Mandela’s short explanation of what the Ubuntu in life is (you can see it on 'Wikipedia Ubuntu Philosophy), and it finally dawned on me.

It was the 'deserve-oriented', language that creates a gap, the canyon between the spirit of Ubuntu and my little self. This discourse, always operating with the idea that I have to deserve to be accepted, appreciated, loved, respected…, this cultural context of there being some universal rules I need to (and will always fail to) follow in order to deserve my needs to be met within a group of people.

This paradigm was dominates my society and most of my socializations throughout my life. And I fear that I somehow have internalized it into the very fundamentals of my own being and my beingness. Do I deserve to be accepted? Do I deserve to be a part of this beauty? Have I complied with all the requirement to be let in?

I see this 'deserve-oriented' language of conditioning as one of the most fundamental failures of the humanity. It results in being conditioned and conditioning others. If you do this and that then you may qualify to deserve my love. If you comply with this and that, then you may deserve to be let in. Distinctions. Hierarchy. Levels of importance. Inner and outer circles. Social climbing. Competing. Building up as much power over others as possible…

What I am trying to say here is that I feel, somewhere very deep and barely tangible within me, that the Ubuntu starts within us, with our perception of ourselves, our own worth and our own needs. And with the realization that it is not at all about deserving or not deserving. This language and these notions are completely irrelevant and meaningless.

Ubuntu, as I see it, is a complete absence of evaluation and deserve oriented perception of self and others. We do not have to deserve to be accepted, to be part of it all, to be taken care of. And the same is true for everybody else. Because we can not, actually be separated, be not-connected. We are connected, ultimately and universally. We can not be if others are not. We are because others are. We are because we all are.

The only choice we have is to choose to continue denying it all or to choose to cease denying and embrace it fully.

Dazed and Confused

What do you do when your mind is overtaking your emotions? When you feel so goddam lost that noone can relate to you anymore? I am struggling with this and need a refuge.... This is my chance to practice self-discipline and take control of my emotions. The challenge is that I need to be at my strongest when I am at my weakest. I am haunted by my own mind. It is very true that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

I know that this too shall pass...but riding out the storm is no holiday.

I am so thankful to have my friends near when I need them so much. Thank you.

I will bounce back.

Reminiscing

So this evening my husband and I watch a movie and the main character (Josh Hartnett) reminded me of my friend 'John'. So I called him and his wife 'Leah' on the other side of this country and reminisced. Leah and I were very good friends as we coached together for years in gymnastics. We also ran an a Special Needs program for Social services to integrate Mentally challenged teens into the community before graduation. The day I met her she was sharing her wedding photos at the gym club where she just got hired (where I was working). In her wedding pics, she wore her jean jacket over the dress and I thought "WE are definitely going to be friends...". We were inseparable by the end of that week. The three of us we were the best of friends and I was at their home constantly. Johnny even let me pick their home out as Leah was very sick and depressed after the first baby was born and couldn't go house hunting. I had almost even named one of their daughters! They have seen me through a lot, and I, them. There are no two people on this earth with whom I have shared so much laughter and tears.

When Leah had her second child, she had severe post partum depression. I mean severe. She was one of the rare women who developed a psychosis and needed to be cared for constantly or admitted. It started with tingling in here legs after a run, then led to temporary feelings pf paralysis so they thought it was MS. As they live on a remote island, Leah had to be flown off to be brought to the main city center every time she had symptoms. I had moved back home to NS by this time so John called me in tears to tell me the story. They had admitted her to the psych ward and would only let her go home with 24h supervision; preferably from a nurse. Leah said I was the one she wanted there to help their family through this. She was a very personal person and definitely NOT the emotional type. She was the type who teased her groom at their wedding while he cried, ya know? So, of course, when I got the call, I dropped everything (as I was not in the same Province when all this happened) and left to go out West again to help John with the kids and look after his wife.

It was very intense for me, but it was my calling. Yes, it was awful living on an island with a sick baby, a confused 2year old, a psychotic mother who could hardly even dress herself and a husband who was stressed, depressed and had extremely high expectations of my ability to cook, clean, counsel and nurse his children. We even had a fight at one point. My days were filled with holding down my best friend to dress her, feed her, give her her sleeping pills and keep her and the kids sane. I got very little sleep and arrived back home after a few weeks sick from exhaustion. On the plane on the way home I was vomiting blood and they almost landed early. I slept for 17hours and worried about that family for days after. But while I was there I was as cool as a cucumber. That house was spotless, the babies were happy, mom was calm, and Johnny was running his home business and hopeful that his wife would carry through without hospitalization. To this day, she remembers hardly any of it. It's Johnny's and my little secret.

And I would do it all over again for them. For anyone that I loved.

It was so good to hear their voices tonight on the phone. All these years later. The girls are years older and cannot recall any of it. Thank god for that. I remember it all. And I was so glad to be a part of it. It was one the greatest blessings I have experienced. For someone to reach out to me when all they knew had been lost. To trust me to bring them back to sanity; and for me to have pulled through despite the odds.

I have so much more to learn about myself and so many more ways in which to grow. But I am so so so happy that I had that opportunity to push myself to the limit and really be there for people whom I love so dearly.

Reflections on Rolihlahla

Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela is the most revered being with whom I hold the utmost admiration. He is my Warrior-Chieftan, my hero. Not only him but all of his comrades like Oliver Tambo, Desmond Tutu, Walter Sisilu, Govan Mbeki and all the other countless and unsung heroes who contributed and and sacrificed for the abolishment of apartheid.

I do not know why I chose this piece of history but it has something to do with music to begin with. When I was younger, my oldest brother, whom I always have adored and looked up to, used to discuss music and bands with me frequently. He bought me the 'Graceland' CD by Paul Simon, and proceeded to explain how Paul Simon had changed the face of Africa by becoming involved politically with the Anti-Apartheid movement by encompassing the SA musical group "Ladysmith Black Mambazo" into his band. Apparently Graceland, to this day, is still one of the most critically acclaimed albums in the world. Not only did I love the music of it, but the history written inside the front cover intrigued and stayed with me for years to come. Africa always had an exotic lull to me since that time. Even Mohandas Gandhi was inspired by South Africa and began his fight on that very same soil that the ANC finished so many years later. Along with Stephen Biko and Martin Luther King, Gandhi was a source of inspiration to Mandela to stand up for the rights of the oppressed.

I could carry on for days but will simply say that I honestly, am embarrassed to be of Caucasian heritage. Our ancestors did us no favours by trying to leverage themselves through the oppression of others. That mindset still lives in so many of us today. There is an unspoken hierarchy that remains with skin color and socioeconomic status, as if it is an inherent to us as seeking food when hungry. I feel we have been born with it, believing we are superior to be a man, tall, Caucasian, wealthy, scholared, beautiful. How ludicrous.

Mandela was one who not only fought against suppression of the African people, but against oppression of any kind.

I'll end with a few of my favourite quotes from him:

..."For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others" - written on the wall of tears - a fountain at the Apartheid Museum f Jo'burg that I visited in May08

"I stand here before you not as a prophet but as a humble servant of you, the people. Your tireless and heroic sacrifices have made it possible for me to be here today. I therefore place the remaining years of my life in your hands." (stated on the day of his release Feb 1990).

"During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to this struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons will live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for. But, my lord, if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die."

There never will be a man on this earth, to me, that was so grounded, so real and has done so much. He was void of the god-like qualities of the Dalai Lama and others, but has achieved that and more.

I cannot express how much I love this man, his comrades and all I have learned from them. There are many more out there that I am to learn from but alas, I have only have so much time on this earth, to read, to listen, to learn.

One past ANC leader said it the best on Madiba's 90th birthday when he stated:

"If aliens visited our planet and said, 'take us to your leader'", the world would bring them to you."

Baby Blues

So my husband and I are hoping to get pregnant. We have been 'passively' trying for over a year now. I have a Naturopath that's been assisting me to support my own body to enhance the opportunity to conceive. In addition I have been trying to track my own ovulation (yet to no avail) and also started acupuncture therapy to both stimulate and balance my meridians (address blockages, what have you). Oh yes, and having sex.

So far we have not been successful. He has a son so I do have a stepson and yes that satisfies a portion of my maternal instincts. However, as of late, I do note that I am having mild annoyances at others who are pregnant or have children. It's a really gross feeling to be happy for someone yet envy them as well. For me I also have guilt associated with this envy; guilt that my spirit is not acting in accordance with my integrity. However, it never takes away from the fact that I am deeply truly happy for these people who have children. I just hate them is all (alright I'm kidding).

But honestly, if there was a vote in my High School for who would have been the most likely to marry, settle down, have kids...it would have been me. 'Mother hen' was a nickname I had in High School (didn't drink, didn't smoke etc.). This changed to 'Martha Stewart' once I was in University and beyond and cultivated some domestic talents. Those who nicknamed me obviously only saw the surface (which is the way I preferred it) but suffice to say motherhood does become me. I have spent my entire life looking after others; mostly children (cancer, care, pediatric general nursing, coaching multiple sports, volunteering overseas, camp counseling, special needs, public health nursing...). That's been my whole life. It seems like such a cruel joke to not be able to get pregnant when I want to; I insisted on not getting pregnant until I was married and found someone who would be a great father. I wanted to be wise, gain skills, feel established, hone my parenting values before I had a child. So I waited. And now I feel regret for not having a child sooner. God knows I could have done it on my own. I didn't NEED a father for the child; I just see it as the right thing to do for their welfare.

Anyway, if I don't get pregnant, I have to admit that I will feel incomplete for the rest of my life. Part of me believes that we are here for a few core reasons: to harvest and care for the earth, to love and support one another, to gain wisdom to take our souls to a higher level and to have children - to pass on our wisdom and values to so that they can continue what we have begun. If I miss that last piece I will have done myself a true disservice. If I ever have a child I know that I will have so much learning to pass on to them. It saddens me to the core to think that all this spiritual development may cease at the moment of my death.

So, my husband and I are going to adopt. I know that we can make a huge difference by adopting. I always knew that I would adopt at least one child; since I myself was elevated from my very caring but incapacitated parents. I was lucky enough to be brought to a structured supportive home in which to grow to be a productive member of society. To be able to pass that on to another child would truly enhance my soul.

But to conceive a child, grow it inside you, give birth to it and then nourish it's body and soul while it grows. Now that would be amazing.

People have babies everyday. I know. That's my job. I work with 'high risk' marginalized parents. I teach them parenting skills, health promotion, prenatal classes and many other things. I am their counselor, advocate and teacher. And let me tell you, most of these people don't give a f*** about being a parent. It's job to them; something they have to do. A checklist of sorts. Like it's some sort of accomplishment or something. I really cannot stand the whole 'proud parent' thing - showing off your child like they're some trophy or something. Multiple lessons, play dates, photo albums, toys, stuff stuff stuff, private schools etc. It's soooo ego driven. Most families want the quintessential 2 children - oh they can't afford more then that. Like if you don't spend $1000 on each kid for Xmas you're a 'lesser' parent or something. If I had my way with my stepson he'd get NOTHING for Xmas except maybe a stocking or one gift.

Yes, that's what I said. Anyone reading this would have such a Westernized, consumer-based ego-driven reaction I am sure. "How mean of you"! 'How cruel are you"? "Only one gift"? Yes that's right. A Christmas with one gift: We'd make cookies, we'd volunteer for food drives, we'd go for walks, make snowmen, decorate the house, drive around and see the Xmas lights, go caroling, decorate a tree, go skating, make dinners for those who have none (hell bring them back to the house for all I care - get the homeless off the streets for a night or two, even if it DOES make you uncomfortable...) etc. There would be LOTS of Xmas to go round without the gifts. Believe me.

And it would be wonderful. Nevertheless, I cannot do that with my stepson. We scale back as much as possible but his mother is the antithesis of earthy. If you cannot buy it, if it's not junk food and if it doesn't improve your ego in one form or another, it's useless to her. This is what he learns from her. Therefore, I am affected by her at times because I see our son struggle between developing integrity and getting swamped by consumerism. But you know what? I am not as bothered as I used to be.

You know why? Because she is no different from anyone else.

Sad but true.

Better Dreams

So on Tuesday night I had a much improved dream about water. It gave me hope that I may not 'drown' in my emotions after all.

I was at a strange but cozy home and it was nighttime, and dark. So dark. But the dark failed to frighten me. In fact, I found it exciting and had a deep trust that nothing would cause me harm. I felt so comforted and content but enthusiastic to explore this new beautiful place. So I went for a stroll and found this amazing pool. I mean incredible. It was surrounded by the most gorgeous array of nature; trees, flowers, birds etc. It was also the deepest pool you can imagine. The water was dark dark blue and the pool went right through the center of the earth to the core. Two others came to join me; a brother and a sister whom lived in this house in which I was staying. As I stood on the edge of the pool they encouraged me to jump in with them. So I did. I floated so easily. The water was thick, smooth and warm. Yes I said thick. Like, it carried me and brought me the most comfort I had felt in ages. We had so much fun swimming and, being immersed in that water was a true comfort to my soul.

Wow. So much change like my last dream about water 48h ago.

Remembrance Day

So I have a wee bit of alone time now...thought I'd write about this day. We went to the city today and attended the Remembrance Day Ceremony in Grand Parade. My 8yo stepson was with us and he was very quiet and seemed to understand the seriousness of it all. He even took his hat off for the 2 minutes of silence when he saw the Veterans doing it - I was so proud! I see it as so important for him to respect those who sacrificed in the past for our freedom. However, I do not see myself as a big fan of the military. I dated a Marine down in North Carolina just after 911 and those guys at Camp Lejeune were just sick. Except for a very few, they were all just frothing at the mouth to get over to Afghanistan and 'kick some a**' or just kill as many people (anywhere) as possible. Needless to say, that guy didn't last long. I think my friends and I dated them all just so we could laugh at them when we went home after the weekend - I swear.

Now, like I said, those guys are extreme but I am damn sure many of our Canadian military are almost as brainwashed. However, with our older veterans I have so much respect since they have done and seen soooo much and it was not really their choice to go at all; nor did they receive thanks or victorious welcomes upon their return. No, it took years to get to that. Those men did not have support for their family when they were gone, access to medical care upon their return (other than the MASH-type camps) or big fancy bonus', no email, no video-conferencing, no ships dropping off vats of beer and Mariah Carey stopping by in a bikini on Xmas eve to sing them carols. They didn't get to retire at 40 and live in huge gorgeous houses and work 9-5 either. It was much much different. Not that I don't respect today's military. I just think that when people shun November 11th because they don't believe in war they are really missing the point. And I also know that many troops today still see extreme trauma and can still get hurt and die as well. That will always sadden me.

So yes every year when I see those decorated Veterans out at the grocery store selling poppies or hear my son recite poems about Remembrance Day I get all choked up. I attend the ceremony and am blessed to share the two moments of silence to remember all of their fallen comrades and lost countrymen. It's the least I can do. I am so happy that my son shared it with me today.