Round Two?

I have come a long long way in the past few months. I do not ponder on this subject much but something recently came to my attention to arouse my anger once again. I am now confused as I did not expect another provocation. As in Buddhist beliefs, I will not inititate but I will defend myself. I won't assume this provocation is directed towards me so I shall take the time to ask this person myself of his motives. Perhaps a face to face meeting is just what we need to resolve and evoke explanation from his sociopathic behaviours.

My gained interest in psychology has shed some light on some aspects of my past and the people I have chosen to associate with. Aside from being intriguing it has given me greater insight into my own strength. I now have given myself permission to follow my instincts, as I have been pushing them aside as of late when I did not want to hear what they had been telling me. Not only did I ignore red flags in the past; sometimes I recognized them and THEN dismissed them - so my ignorance was conscious. My gut has told me constantly that I was in a dangerous situation; it manifested itself emotionally and physically - I was literally ill for weeks. I even 'demonized' the subject of my passions; I had never experienced that before - even with those whom I was clearly aware could hurt me. This 'soulmate' to me seemed so fraudulent whenever I was not in his presence. Now I know why.

It has taken great compassion and patience at times to not allow my anger to overcome me - sometimes it is easier than others. Most of the time I am hoping for a fairy tale ending where everyone is honest and feels resolution. I still and always will, hold so much love for the parts of people that I believed in, but I will no longer succumb to any intimidations from their darker sides.